pawns

PAWNS in the game of chess…

 

the ones put upfront…right in the line of fire…the
infantry…the cordon that valiantly protects the king at all cost…yet almost
always the first ones to perish…the first ones to go down…

 
sometimes i feel like I am one of the pawns in a chess game…someone as
responsive as me, someone who feels too many and feels too much would typically
throw myself up the flames…don’t get me wrong I’m not easily swayed, I’m
tough-skinned, I’m hard to tackle down. But when I’m won over, that’s when I become
a pawn. I put my heart and soul to it. I nobly put myself on the line, and I sometimes
find myself the one turned down…there are just those times when it seems I am easily
vetoed out…easily pushed aside when something else comes up…and it sucks…and more importantly, it hurts…coz sometimes it makes you wonder if you are just dispensable 😦

 

So should the pawns be held accountable for giving too much
thus being too easy to be pushed aside? should i? i don’t think so. because how can you really be the best that you can be, how can you really be able to serve well or get the best if you don’t put yourself on the line, if you don’t take risk?  how can you really love if you limit yourself? how can you really live if you don’t give your all? putting yourself on the line always has its danger, but not doing so is even more dangerous.

the pawns would always be the barricade, i would always be like this…i would always give my heart out to something i’ve decided to be part of…i guess all i’m hoping is just some appreciation…some encouragement because it can get tiring and hurtful at times…:(

 

my piece of heaven

huh! i am in cloud 9…:)

had a few drinks at sam’s place last night…and when we were about to wrap it up, keekit, ramy’s friend came by and we had a little chitchat…then she said, "kita ko nu account, gugma jud!" heheh! not ending there, she then said, "dugaya n ninyo oi!" and to which i replied that sam and girlie have been together a few months longer, and  dea and ramil have been together far longer…wati kiddingly said, "cge lng apson mn namo cla"..hahah..saonz pg apas? pabuwagon sa pra maka apas mi? hahah..joke au..heheh..and then wati came towards me grabbed my hand and hugged me tightly and then saying, "basta kani pinangga jud au ni nako"…and then kissed my forehead…awwwww…heheh… mmmm…’twas really sweet that he did that infront of somebody else…i couldn’t stop gushing…heheheh

mmm…my piece of heaven…heheh..rach! 🙂

Miscellaneous

Random things:

~>> I met up with a very old friend and i mean really old friend! like we’ve known each other since forever! it was always the espina-estella order from grade 2 to 3rd year HS! My god we really thought we would be classmates forever, coz we decided we’d take up accountancy and be excellent lawyers someday, which both of us didn’t pursue: she took up medtech and me psyc…i tried to become a lawyer, but the years of expecting to be one, drastically s=changed and i ended up withdrawing all my subjects, just a week from the start of class! hahaha!! my gni gi refund pa! heheh…ugh! enough of the lengthy introduction.heheh.. anyway we met up in ayala last friday, and you know what she told me, " Angge oi! Tga kita nato lahi jud mo buhok!" hahah!! so true! and your not the only one who said that! 🙂 so for the past 4 years, i’ve had really straight long hair, then a shoulder length hair, then had a messy cut right after graduation, then i had side swept bangs, and then got straight bangs, then i decided to go curly sue, and then chopped it off to shoulder length, then decided to have really full eyebrow length bangs, then further chopped it off to become a bob, only to come to a decision  days after to have the angular messy look again, and then had it redone months after to have ala victoria beckham bob, to name the few styles i could remember now and i haven’t started with the color yet! heheh..and just a few weeks ago, i had it cut to a  really really short very messy hair…and you know what? i now so badly want to have a modern mohawk! hahah! REALLY!!!I’m not kidding at all!  i"m inspired by America’s Top Model cycle 2 winner yoanna house! and i’m actually frantically searching for a clear picture of her cut so i can show it to my personal hairstylist , wati, and he can do his magic on me again! heheh..oooohhhh!! i’m so uber excited for this! wati even said the last time he cut my hair, "abi nko mg pa taas npud ka nya wavy"…heheh..lagi, change of plans…grave k fickle..ug grave k experimental! 🙂 by the way, wati has a new hair too…a product of my wonderful brain..hahah…but he said it’s his work of art coz he did his own hair. bongga! heheh cge, a joint project love: my brains, your skills…hehehe

~>> Last Friday, this  MALE (emphasis on MAle ky d mn usual mo ani) student, who is not my student by the way, approached me after my class and said, "Ma’am you have eyebags lagi. Have you been going out a lot lately and not getting enough sleep?!" Huh! The nerves to approach me to tell me i have big eyebags!!!! hahaha! I was bowled over! As if close mi bah! heheh.to think he was not my student, just someone who looks through the glass window of my room and checking me out! hahaha!! agavs…but i was bowled over not mainly because he nonchalantly told me how i’ve got big eyebags, but his presumption that i have such because "I’VE BEEN GOING OUT A LOT!". hahah! Oh my gosh! Am i really sending the aura that i’m a wild, out and everywhere party girl?! heheh..i’m not Britney Spears you know! heheh.. d jud pwde, "Mam, you have eyebags lagi. Are you so busy studying or checking or something like that that’s why your not getting much sleep?" D pwde? KIAT jud ang reason?! heheh…I got so amused jud. People really get the impression that i’m a nightlifer, a party girl! heheh..when in reality i haven’t been doing so in months! i hardly drink n gni..mmmm..nah, i know people would find that hard to believe but really, i get a tad tipsy already after a few glasses of beer…d njud preha sauna na bsg pil pa,payting ghpon! heavy ang tolerance level! heheh…karon w njud practice! heheh…well, when i drink tequila though, or  cocktail drinks, i don’t get stoned as fast…sosyal evr! tequila ug cocktail drinkz jud! heheh…So it astounded me that he thinks i’m partying my heart out that’s why i’m having this awful eyebags (hala, i got the same remark tonight, okadz n daw ingon ann graf…huhuhu…but tru jud au oi!) when in fact, i’ve been super duper just mega busy the past few days! Waking up early  and sleeping really late to check, to read. to take down notes, to encode,  to make exams, (ky w lang gud gihimo sa 2 week xmas break!dah, gaba!hehhe) and to do my toastmaster duties! hala heavy! ana lng! d ky tungod ng kiat..heheh..hahay! laguvz ug kiat lng jud ngli ako nawng, and my personality seem to be happy go lucky that’s why i’m always seen as such! heheheh..but realizing the fact that my social life has become dormant lately, ahhhh, i miss going out n btaw! i’ve been to busy, i’ve got to find a way to unwind…and let the party girl come out again! mmmm…sinulog week bya..hala signal ni n pa relaxan ug pa kiaton nko! hahah! pit senyor!

hello 2008!

I attended cebu toastmasters club
meeting last night and they were themed around having new year’s resolution… and i thought, i haven’t been thinking about them in years, welI i did try to make some before,
but  nah!I always end up doing the opposite…heheh..heavy k way discipline..heheh…so I
resigned to not making them anymore…but after some thinking, I realized, I did have one successful
resolution though year after year, and that is  to be even more fabulous! Because i a lways end up looking and feeling better than the previous years… Hahah…agavz
ngo?! Heheh..kidding…

 

Last new year, we had a little get together with the rest of
the clan…my aunt, whose a fellow USC teacher has been telling my relatives how
my students kept on saying how cool I am…mmm…char! W jud ko k getz ngno cool,
nga ngkyagaw jud ko ron! Heheh…well, maybe because even when im already 24, I’m
still dressing up like a college kid..i’m always mistaken for a student even…Mmm…char
npud! Hahah…then Jessica, my equally beauteous cuz, who happens to be my
student this sem, seconded the motion, and said, that some of her batchmates
would stay outside their rooms to wait till I pass by and they can say hi! Mmm…char
times three! Heheh…But nah, I’ve always been not so fond of boys trying to get
my attention…dunno, just don’t really give that much of a care…and I even get
irritated at some point…but what is I’m given this face, and with that, I have
to face the consequences…hahaha!! Heavy agavz ngo njud ni!

Heheheh..

 

Well getting serious…2007s’ passed…and man, it passed by
sooo fast…I still can even feel the remnants of 2006 just around my fingers…

2007….’twas just like typhoon Lando, it came so suddenly one
Monday afternoon and left just as fast (simang: typhoon Lando was a bitch! Made
steam come out of my ears coz I went to TC just to know classes were suspended
and had to wait 2 hourz lng gud to be picked up by my bro)

 

So 2007 started out great, with Marck comin’ back to town,
we partied and drank and went to places like crazy!!! And pretty me got to ride
a jetski, and a banana boat! Mura jud bata noh?! Heheh.. Thought I would never
be able to do so…heavy lahamz kha pra 1 hour, sakit dughan mo gasto, esp. for
someone as tight budgeted as me! So kudos to Marck for the treat!!!! And in
2007, had a lot more out of town trips with my Partz, from Balamban to

Toledo

to Daan bantayan to argao to moalboal to mantayupan to sumilon island…huh! Basta
dghn!!! And with those trips came uber mega super dghn pix! Well a camwhore
like me would have to include that here. Heheh. 

 

2007..i won a prepared speech competition, and by the end of
the year I won again, this time in the Evaluation category, and would be
representing my club this coming year.  I
became the VP-education for our Sinulog Toastmasters Club, and realized that
inspite of being a huge procrastinator, I would still work my ass off, sans
sleep and food just to get things done and great at that! I was able to spearhead the souvenir
program, while at the same time checking around 400 papers last semester! I did
feel like Darna, not to brag or anything…but I did feel sooo great about
myself! I feel ready to break walls, take on any challenge, and climb any
mountain…char! Hahah! Amardz ang show! I also partied like a rockstar when I blew the candles of
my cakes (plural jud hah!) coz I was everywhere celebrating the 24 years of my
glitzy & glamorous existence! Hahah! Glitzy & glamorous jud ky people
kept saying how much of a fashionista I am! MMM…char to the nth time njud ni! Heheh…I
really don’t think I’m a fashionista per se, well I do love dressing up and
lookin good, but really, I just have ordinary looking clothes…I just work them!
Hahah! Btw, I think it’s the confidence that exudes, regardless of what you
wear that makes you seem like a fashionista. They even said Wati is also
becoming really fashionable too…well yes, i have to attest to that…natakdan gud! hahah!

 

And of course 2007 brought about more love…and a whole lot
more time for me and wati…when I said we saw each other a lot of times last
2006, 2007 was even better…And we marked our 4^th year together last
year!! Weeeh!!!Lavyah lovey!!! Tnx for still being so sweet after all this time…and
for doing all the things you do for me…J And it seemed that in
2007 more people seem to say we look alike jud daw! Nah ambot lagi oist! Hehe…

 

And 2007 was a blast because our little angel ZOE FRANCESCA
SELGA-ESPINA came to rock our world last April 12, 2007! Our little princess,
our pretty love, our baby girl…J

 

But with the fun, the good and the happiness also came the
frustrations, the hurts, the sickness, the pain and the tears…I had a very
tiring 1^st sem that left my immune system even more distressed! I
had a straight 6 hour class which drove me nuts!! I felt like a heroin addict not
getting his fix of the drug: really down, pissed and prickly. My body had a
beating last year, my back got so sore (still have them sore parts up until
now), my voice became so coarse, and I was sick like mad! And there were these
2 days when I couldn’t walk at all!!! It was hell!! The pain was so infuriating,
and it took me considerable amounts of time to get from one point to the other!
(but tnx mama for being my support…ily!)
I had my share of emotional pain, the dramas with the love life are inevitable..nah,
kahilak tag dugo! Heheh..ako pa n sobra k himi! hehehe…then had the chaos at
home, after all these years, it still gets to me…L  and though this year brought about our angel
zoe to us early last year, it also took away our 2^nd angel 3days
before it ended:(

 

But 2007’s gone…and here comes 2008. A fresh start…to be exemplary…to be better than the last…

My 2008 started out on a good note…still have sooo many…and I mean soooo many stuff to do, but nah, I
had proved myself last 2007, and I’m ready to face all the test papers, the
books, the notes, the training outputs, the toastmaster planning, hte future hurts, the future problems head on!!!:0

And 2008, I’m turning 25…and I know I did leave some unthought of words years ago
that I would get married by the time I get 25. When 2007 was a year full of “knusa
mo mg minyo” questions. I’m bracing for hordes more this year! Huh! dghn n anak n ka book sa ako kasal! hahah! nangontrata n mga mama.heheh..but  I’m not to
lie,  I do dream of getting married, with the red motif  on the beach and
during sunset chuvah…I can’t wait to go down the aisle …but it’s
something I learned not to be hasty about…it’s something that needs a lot of
heart, a lot of patience, sacrifices and whole lot of other things, which at
this point, we still need to be working on…so it may not be this year, it may
not be too soon, but it would come someday…you’d know ra btw, so please stop
asking..kapoy cge tubag.heheh..someday lagi…:)

 

So 2008…get ready for me…because I’m out to be more fun and
fabulous this year!