frustrated..

i’m frustrated…

huh!!!

i just really am…for starters (this is the least anxiety provoking among my frustrations) i wrote a blog in my multiply site the other day about my new teaching stint this semester, and usually, when i wirte something, may it be a blog, a project a test or a reply to a mail, i copy the write-up before i save it, and just that time, just that one time, i failed to do it, and when i clicked the publish button, huh, i got an error message, and my blog, like magic, vanished without a trace. it frustrated me coz i loved what i wrote and though it was not as long as most of my blogs, i loved the way i worded everything…i felt it was brief yet fun and witty…so huh! bye-bye blog! well, i could actually write it again, but i know not in the exact same way anymore..so there, i got frustrated…

so what other thing is making me feel frustrated nowadays?

yeah, my work this semester. I got 24 units, well of course i’m glad i got that much teaching load since that means more money, (my money’s fastly depleting..hala with the extravagance that was summer, hubas jud ang dadatz!1) but nah, i got to be assigned inTC!! For one, TC is sooooo far from where i’m leaving at, hala the hills are alive with the sound of music in tisa jud, and with gasoline prices shooting up like crazy, i get to spend more than double of what i usually spend when i was assigned in main. And the traffic, huh!!! When i get to school, i’m wet and wild…WITH SWEAT! kinsay malipay??!! And unlike in Main and Girlz hi where there’s only one building per campus, and going to my rooms is not a problem, in tc, i have to jump from one building to another to get to class!!  My 1st class is in the Eng’g bldg, then i hurry to the CAFA bldg, then to the AS bldg and finally back to the eng’g bldg!! hala yofak jud!! But the most frustrating and back breaking is having to teach from 1130am-530pm straight with no breaks at all!!! huh!! Normally, teachers are only given 3 consecutive classes, but since we lack teachers and there are a lot of psyc classes (some still don’t have teachers yet even until now) and there are no other scheds that would fit me, i took it nalang. By the time i get to my 3rd class, i run out of saliva already…as in my mouth would feel so dry, and it seems that no amount of water could quench my thirst. And when i get to the 4th class, i could hardly talk, my throat becomes soooo freakin’ painful, and i have to strain myself to be heard. huh! i know in the next few days i’d lose my voice 😦 That when i get to my last classes i become very irritable already. Even during the 2nd meeting for my last class, i got to be a dragon and spewed fire to this boy who irritated me so much! hala the she-devil came out jud!! Well, he deserved it anyway, so i’m not sorry! heheh. i already warned them that i’m mostly a cool teacher but just don’t provoke me..you wouldn’t want to see me mad…atidlamz jud bah!!So after my 530 class, i get so beaten up. I feel like i’ve been hit a hundred times, and then i have to brave the afternoon traffic…which adds up to the back ache..poor me..:(

and another thing about me being assigned in tc…hala we all know that tc is swarmed with boys! when a lot of girls like to be in tc because of this fact, i feel the exact opposite. i remember when i was still about to go to college and friends are giddy with the fact that they’d get to be in tc and they’d get to meet a lot of prospects…well me? i never had that much of a fancy for boys…it is only them who get to have so much liking for me (hahaha!!! agavs ngo!!) so in tc, any place you go, you’d see more than 10 boys in that area…and really, i just don’t like being stared at (well except for wati..hahah), i don’t appreciate cat calls, i don’t appreciate boys making so papansin, i dunno i just don’t!! Hala please, i’m a lot older than most, if not all guys there…and intawn teacher nko!!! well what is, atabz p man ug fez! heheh..even the new guard in main (katilaw jud sa ko english ky gitupas npud anggelina..hehe) and most of the guards in tc won’t let me in because they won’t just freakin’ believe i’m a teacher…"daga pa daw au ug nawng!" hahah..daga p pud intawn ko oi!! and during wash days, with my mode of dressing (u know the usual get-up)i could still pass up for a student jud…one student even asked me if classmate bah mi with matching pa-cute! saonz?!!

so those things about tc make me feel frustrated, the sooo far away rooms that i have to go to, the 6 hour class, the painful throat, the hurting back, the unpleasant sweat, the damn traffic, the high price of gasoline, and little of the patagad boys…all these things combined make me so drained and tired by the end of the day. every morning before heading to school, i pray hard to God to help me get through the day…i really pray hard for that…coz sometimes i just don’t know if i could.. and when i get home, i feel disoriented, that i yearn for something uplifting or boosting to perk me up…huh!

and that’s why i’m also very frustrated now…after the very stressful week, i wanted to do something fun, something to get me out of this tiresome rut…i was hoping to see wati…but was not able to do so…and his cellphone, which hangs everytime you type a message, frustrated me even more…coz we won’t be able to have spontaneous dates anymore…and when i got home, i was hoping to have some company, but my siblings were not around, they all had fun things to do…out of the house..i was hoping to hear a whistle (signalling wati came to get me out of this badass time) but all i got is a msg from him telling me he is about to sleep..:(  my mom’s in bed…so i’m left with my lonesome self…no one to tlak to..no one to damn perk me up and get me out of this no good state…that’s why i am sooo freakin’ pissed off…i should be having a good time now after the bitch of a week that i just had, yet all i have is this no good computer..an that’s why i’m down to writing this no good blog…huh!!

shit!!

please..someone get me out of this..i deserve the much needed enjoyment…i need to destress and have a good time…i had such a back breaking week i’m in damn need of some relaxation to push me to go on with another stress-filled week..i need to know that after the week i get to have fun again…but with the way things are going tonight..i’m seeing more bleak weekends for the coming weeks..huh!! i just hope not…so please..someone..anyone…please…get me out of this rut…even just for the weekend..

carnival rides and Me? Miss Cebu???!!! heheh..

     It seems that for the past few weeks, I’ve only “not been” with wati for maybe less than a week…From just browsing the pc, to playing our new “play it together” game, text twist (gikapoy nmig worms: me for always winning..and he for always losing! Hahah), to just watching the craze in japan that is One Piece (I’m on a dvd marathon now and though he’s seen it, he still watches it with me), to going out of town, to applying for jobs, to taking tests, to doing just about nothing together. We just had a uber terrific summer…going from one place to the other…and just when you think the revelry is over, merriment knocks on your door once again. So what has been our latest exploit? Heading to Toledo City and yup, having a fantabulous time together (as always!!). For the many times I’ve been to Toledo with his family, this was probably the most fun ever. Drove the 57km trip to Toledo (with his family’s Pajero driven by noy marck in tow..to make sure that if in the case that something happens, they’d just be able to help…hala gikapoy jud ngli toh noy mark {I think he has a need for speed..heheh} coz my speed was just around 60 kph…the multicab could not take very high speeds, plus my ever “super duper conscientious” wati, would always bicker when I get a tad faster..heheh) went bargain shopping..hala purteng inita, nangukay jud pagau! Duh gi-pang sip-on lagi (my partz found really good finds for me…love the bohemian skirt you found partz!!!) and of course, sunglasses hunting! Hala I’ve been desperate to find “Nicole Ritchie big” sunglasses and the ones that I found were way way out of my budget…mga thousands lang gud…and I was informed that one exists in JY Sq (hala ng kara2x jud mig adto ni wati) it was no longer available! Hmphhh! so when I saw this stall in the fiesta fair in toledo with a multitude of sunglasses , hala I was in a frenzy! Heheh..Though still was not able to get an XXL eyewear, still was able to buy an XL white one…just for P80! Sweet!

     So other than the cheap finds, the sumptuous food, and the pouring beer, had a blast going to the carnival. When I went to Toledo the same time last year, I was hoping to ride the ferris wheel, it’s been close to 20 years since I’ve ridden one, and I was ecstatic to ride again…so even before heading to Toledo, I’ve already strained my partz to ride it with me. So last Sunday, after a very hot day at the beach, we headed to the carnival. Hala bsag excited au, hadlok au jpun pgsakay…in fear, I probably made more than 10 signs of the cross..hahah! and the sungogon wati that he always is, would always rock the cage especially when we’re at the top, to scare me even more..atot au bah! But the ride was not scary at all, and it fell short of the fun that I expected. I thought it would turn faster, but nah, the operators stole away that chance and we disembarked in frustration (my cuz and sfb liklik were the last to board and were also the first nga gipanaog! Saonz?!! Reklamo jud ang duha intawn! Gikaskasan rjud kinse pesos dah!) but not to be disheartened, we rode the caterpillar, and the disappointment we got from riding the ferris wheel was eclipsed with the fun we had with the catterpillar!!! Heheh. My face hurt coz I can’t stop laughing and my throat ached coz of shouting! Hahah!! No matter how I tried to hold back, hala molagpot jud ko ka wati sa ka paspas, and he just kept on teasing me nga “chancing daw au ko nya”..saonz?!! I felt like a kid again! Oww..i usually am a kid at heart…but nah, getting on those rides was really refreshing! Hala hapit nko mo tiguwang bya, so kiat ang show! Heheh. (pix in angge-wati profile soon and at www.watinkz.multiply.com)

     But had to end the partying sooner than would have been. The fiesta was supposed to be today (june12) but since I had toastmaster duties last night (hala grave gi-career njud ni nko ako pgka tm, I’m soon to be the vp for education gud…so busy3x!) and I had been absent the previous meeting coz we were almost stranded in moalboal, plus we have to have our pix taken for the souvenir program that I was in charge of…so even though wati’s mom urged me to stay and miss out on the meeting, I couldn’t…plus, my mom needs me to drive her back (when she drove to Toledo the other day with my 2 sis, she got a bad-ass back pain and could not drive back…so good daughter (kaha???!!) me, had to do the job! I think with Saturday and Sunday combined, I roughly had 7 hours of sleep, plus nka moni pjud, and it was raining hard so had to have a good grip of the steering wheel (liko2x bya au!) so when we got back to Cebu, my body sored! As in mura jud ko gi bunal2xan kadaghan ug dospordos! Heheh. I was that tired, and a few minutes after arriving, had to change quickly to head to the meeting…hala purteng ka zombie! I’m pretty sure my photo sucked bcoz I was trying to put up an “un-tired” face in vain. And even with a whole lot of effort, I failed looking perky jud coz I was asked jud by a few friends “wa kay tug jud noh?” and “naunsa man tawn ka oi?!” huh! Price you pay for soooo much fun and carousing…Wati’s mom told me to come back today, I personally would have wanted to…wati’s still there, I’m sure havin a good time, and I miss him already (tnx partz for calling me today) but nah, with the pain that I’m feeling now, sorry nlng jud!!! Mg pa massage sa jud ko! Heheh. Next year nalang! Heheh.

     But one interesting thing happened last night…I was asked by designer Roger Salazar to be his muse for the Miss Cebu pageant next year!!! Hahaha!!! I was so amused I laughed out loud! Me? Join a beauty pageant?????!!! The thought is soooo freakin’ outrageous!!! I told him, “nah, pabuhata lng kog bsag unsa, ayaw lng jud ko paapila ana!” And he said, “aw cge, miss lapulapu? Miss mandaue?!!” nah, I just laughed while moving my head side to side to signify my decline of his invite.heheh.. And he added, “nindot bya ta ka sa picture” heheh. Hahah! What is I’m a camwhore bya, I love taking pix of myself and having my pictures taken with and by someone else as well…But nah, joining a pageant?!! Hahah! Maybe I could still work my ass off and slim down, and get a beauty pageant body, but nah, d jud n nko talent strutting my stuff in front of people oist! His anniv man gni na it was not that many a people, I got cold feet, what more joining a beauty contest? Mgkurog njud ngli ko ana! J When I was in high school, I was tapped to be the representative of the Miss UN contest, but I was so stern on my stand of declining ( I was tomboyish then: girl at heart but acts so rowdy) and my teacher had his own way of persuading me to join. Mao join nlng tawn ang inday, and I was Miss India then. I seem to be the crowd favorite that time (hahah..ka agavz ngo!) but when the pageant continued, and during the semi final question and answer portion I got so tired that people at the audience we’re signaling me to smile ky ngmug-ot njud daw ko! Heheh. Kinsay di, nga aside from not being so into it, my foot was on the verge of cramping (sakit au ang sandal gipagamit nko!) and my asthma was on it’s way to attacking! Heheh. Faetz! And then my relatives said they’d sign me up for the Miss Kananga, Leyte pageant! And they were so persistent about it that I remembered crying so they would stop. Heheh. So Rog, I was flattered with your invite, but nah, beauty pageants, joining that is, is just not for me… Judge nlng ko tingli…lingaw pa..heheh..

overwhelmed

I feel so overwhelming emotions lately…I’ve got too many things in my mind and feel too many things in my heart…and usually when this happens, my fingers just squash down the keys of my weary old keyboard like lightning speed, as if they have a mind of their own…

but now, with these tremendous things that I’m feeling, I feel at loss for words….

I feel so empowered…yet I could not speak…

I feel so elated…but words seem to shy away from me…

Things I feel are so deep to grasp…that my eloquence seem to vanish…

The rapid fingers that I have, the same ones who I have always thought to have a mind of their own, extracting out information from my mind, juicing out things from my heart, putting things to writing in a relatively short time, failed me this time. I stared at my computer, wanting to express what I feel, but my fingers are typing slow…they failed to pierce through my heart…what’s in my heart seem so profound that my usually adept fingers could not fathom…

I am always able to chronicle what I feel, usually with ornate words and with very lucid details but I’m not my usual self…I am overpowered…

Simply put…

I have never been this loved before…I have never felt as overwhelmed with love as I feel today…and I feel I will be even more overwhelmed with that love tomorrow and for the next days of my life…that even just noticing that I am stared at…so deeply, without words, I feel so loved… and I never thought I could love even more than I loved…I have always thought that I have already loved the most, but I always amend myself, because I always feel an even greater love than the last..

I feel so strongly, plagued by it but I could not write anything more about it though I want to express more…and give it my usual flowery touch…but I can’t…

This may sound tacky for some…but this is how I feel…I won’t hide it…I never plan to…

So if you find this cheesy, it’s your problem…

I live by my own rules…

and what others think about this does not make me falter at all..

I feel loved…and I am in love…live with that!

summer drunk me!!

In the summertime when the weather is high
You can stretch right up and touch the sky
When the weather’s fine….na na na na na…

U singing along? Hahah..

i know summer is officially over…rainy days a comin’ and mr golden sun’s gonna be hidin’ again..but nah! I feel good!!! Yeah I feel good..i know that I would now…so good..so good.. I just feel good!! Hahah! And I feel like singing…because although one of my favorite seasons is over (the other one is xmas season), I’ve got sunshine on a rainy day! Heheh..hala ky cge kanta lang jpun!!!

So how was ur summer? If u ask me…whew!!! I had an uber terrific summer…and yup, yup, yup, I’m lovin’ my even more caramel colored skin!!! Hahah…I remembered talking early this summer with one good friend Edward..and he said he wants to get bleached…coz according to him, when your white, you have this different aura that just makes you even more enchanting…and weeks after, another good friend texted me if I know anyone who does bleaching services! Hala, bahalag ARGEN, I love my bronze skin!! Filipino! Filipino! Bepop-bepop! (hahah..corny sad dah! Heheh..see, I am in a singing fit tonight!heheh) I remember (if u read my blogs, im sure uv noticed, how I love “I remembers”hahah..but quiver! ky although I have very poor short term memory (in short agnatz au bah..cge lang kalimot dri, kalimot didto, to the utter frustration of my beloved, who rarely forgets his stuff..but kung na makalimtan, hala ang smile ni anggelina ky ear to ear jud!heheh..mura nkabaws..u also have ur forgetful lucy moments partz…heheh)  I have lovely long term memory, thus the many “I remember when” chuvas.heheh..hala explain galore! Okie..okie..i remembered when I was still a little girl, I would blame my lolas (both of them are dark, while both my lolos look causcasian) for my dark skin, and for the constant teasing (hala “NGIT-NGIT” lang tawn itawag sa ako..heheh)…but saonz sad pg d samot ka moti, na even at a young age, I adore, and I mean so so adore the beach! When I got older, with the numerous boys crushing on me (hahah…sa pagka way buot lang jud!heheh), I learned I look fab in the brown colored skin that I used to hate..hahah..(hahay, ka kiat jud bah bsag mg blog!!heheh). I know white skinned people mostly get 2^nd glances and a lot of admiration but I don’t think angayan ko maputi pud..so quiver if everybody’s itching to buy whitening stuff, ng cge mn gni kog painit bsg moti na! Heheh. I still look good anyway! Tooooiiinnnkkzzz!!!

          I always make it a point that I go somewhere every summer…And I never missed one summer..ever…and I don’t plan to miss any in the future…and I always have a blast!!! Hala sa kakiat nko? I love fun and frolic, and these two always seem to find me jud!!! Hehehe! And this summer, was not only able to go to just one place…so lucky, lucky me!!!:)

          I’m still summer drunk, and still can’t get over the  frenzy and I just have to let you know!!! Heheh.. so here’s a glimpse of the carousing that I had…

          Starting the tanning hoopla with a trip north with my delightful family…Drove close to 4 hours to the beautiful beaches of Bitoon, Daan Bantayan.

And this time, I had a joyous ride because I was relieved of my driving duties! Thank God! But alas, the ride was’t really that joyous coz my left butt hurt coz I was only sitting on that cheek..huhuh! poor me…but nonetheless, had a great time, though trying to sneek holding hands, and small kisses coz our mom forbid us to be so lovey dovey ky n daw uban charismatic..heheh..but when there’s a will, there’s a way jud..hahah!

         

And then the unexpected permission from my mom to spend the holy week in argao with wati and his family, just as long as I don’t miss out on my religious duties. Shocking! I almost pressed the accelerator hard when I drove my mom and she said yes!

Had a freakin helluva time swimming and singing and tickling, just plain acting like a kid with wati and laughing our heads off!!

         

So after some beach lovin, we decided to head to the mountains with forever friends (nga hala pareha jud mig utok sa kakiat ug kasabaan ug sa ka toyav!). As much as I love the beach, I also so so crazy about the mountains. So we headed to island in the sky, balamban, and of course the numerous pix sa hanging bridge! Heheh

and though I was frustrated to know the pool was not functioning (coz I was wearing my suit already, ready to plunge in! hmmph!) I still enjoyed the view with some good music (courtesy of wati) and a few bottles of tequila..and na itom jpun coz had to sit at the back of the pick up…but still lovin’ it!!

and after getting drunk on that steep cliff, headed to vano beach and ng pahuwas and went night dipping…my two piece wearin’ combo was not in vain after all!! heheh

then came Vincent’s (wati’s bro) children’s party for adults in carancho beach. Although the beach was not that fab, like I said fun & frolic never fail to hit me, so lingaw jpun au!!! And went boating with my partz for an hour, and ended up getting even more tanned. J

         

          An my next summer adventure was a first time for me…being a tourist guide! Hala I was not born jud to be street smart! And me? A tour guide? Hala kahilak ang show! So since I’m no direction savvy, tagged my ever on the go partz to help me navigate the jungle that is Cebu! Heheh. Took pleasure in the sutukil store in mactan…love the the tinola jud! Kuwang lang jud halang! Heheh..and i sported my new short do! tnx for my new look  partz!!

and of course, one thing good about the Philippines and the lovely month of May is the numerous fiestas, and do you think (sa akong kalaagan) I’d miss out on that? Heheh.. hopped along with wati and his family to balamban and had our stomachs full after visiting 2 houses!!! Kovmatz samot lang gud! Heheh.

Then for the 1^st time, the intsikwakang that she usually is, shelled out a few thousands just to nourish us with…beer!! Hahah!! So although this is not an outing, just one of those usual nightouts, I just have to include it, because “mamangka c guada?” that’s a miracle!! Heheh

         

And for the last of my summer hullabaloo last may 26-27 Don Bosco alumni hosted the 1st ever cebu beach soccer competition in moalboal, cebu.my partz was supposed to leave the friday before the event but "evil me" wanted him to stay so i could spend more time with him so i prayed hard for some intervention, and guess what? it was answered..hahah..
so he left early the next day…i thought i could not join the revelry jud! zoe’s baptism was that saturday and of course, i would never miss it for the world! wati wanted me to go with sam and girlie who would be heading to moalboal that afternoon..but nah, like i said, i wouldn’t exchange zoe’s baptism for anything..and wati would not want me to travel alone coz of my "dizzying spells" chuva lately..and honestly, i’m scared of traveling alone ky u know na guys cge pa tagad (hahah..as if!) but nger..sa kalaagan nko? hala ky niapas jud! heheh..he was shocked..but i’m sure was happy to see me…coz he texted me earlier that if I don’t go, xa ra daw wa pares.hehe..gahi au ulo mo uyab noh? heheh..but nah, grave w kabutangan ang lingaw! so glad i braved traveling alone..heheh..enjoyed the sand, the beach, the beer and the company of the saint francis boyz and girlz (mga naapil sa kahig na mga bayu..heheh)

and of course a lot of kissing..heheh.

So ARGEN ang show! Imagine swimming from 8am-4pm, stopping only to eat? Kinsa d mo lagom! Duh! Purteng hapdosa sa panit! Hehe. But nger..i’m still hot? Watchathink?heheh..

          So that was my summer escapade!!! Hahahah!! just can’t help singing..i’m walkin’ on sunshine…oh-wowow…i’m walkin’ on sunshine..it’s time to feel good!! So blehhh!! We had fun getting tanned for summer…kung w mo sorry nalang!! Heheh..(nanungog pjud bah? Heheh)

The only thing that saddened me this summer was zoe leaving for davao…L it broke my heart..it broke all our hearts…I miss our angel…I miss our tabchingching…I miss our chubbylita…I miss being peed at…I miss going to her room the moment I wake up…I miss smelling her hair the minute I get home…I just miss you siopao…can’t wait to see you on October..and get peed upon all over again…