Archive | February, 2008

FEAR

27 Feb

fear…

no one is born fearful…some may be predisposed to be fearful…but no one is born as one…

fear…

such emotion is learned…

a baby would touch anything it sees, inanimate or not, coz a child does not know how to fear…until he experiences something that causes him to be raddled…then he feels fear, then generalizes this fear to similar objects or similar situations…thus the fear blows out of proportion…

classical conditioning…(ng psyc2c npud! hehehe) according to Ivan Pavlov is learning a new response to a neutral stimulus that has been previously associated with another stimulus. The dog would naturally salivate when food is present, but once paired with the bell, after a series of trials, the dog learns to salivate just by hearing the bell even in the absence of food.

same goes with fear…

you were bitten by a dog, and now you begin to fear the dog, or any dog for that matter…

i just recently realized one stimulus i’ve learned to be classically conditioned to…last saturday, i involuntarily experienced a cold air running throughout my body while talking about some places that i have learned to associate with a very very painful past…and i don’t like it…:( i don’t like feeling fearful, it makes me feel so vulnerable…

i’ve been hurt in the past, and though those hurts have been long forgiven,they still seem to haunt me once in a while…these hurts may not just be from my present relationship, they include things way before (the feeling of being led on, and some other equally painful stuff i went through prior to wati)  and things i’ve seen with the people i love (my parents terrible break-up, infidelities i’ve heard of friends)…and all those other things that caused me to fear, things that caused me to cower…things that make me feel cold, things that make me feel nauseous, things that sometimes cause me to mistrust…:(

but as pavlov said, though fear is learned, fear can be unlearned as well…i don’t want to continue being fearful, i don’t…and i’m trying my very best to get out all these associations out of my system so i don’t have to ruin all these meaningful relationships i have…

i can’t let fear be the boss of me…

outrageous!!!

15 Feb

i just got a weird
remark from my student last wednesday…after i gave out my quiz for
the day, this student suddenly asked. "miss, simple ra lagi au ka
karon?" hahah! i was dumbfounded!!! was i outrageous and over the top
on all those other days???!!! now i’m really wondering..coz i always
think i just dress simply in most days..i’m the shirt and jeans kind of
person..well except for those very few days that i really wanna dress
up…but really? am i that outrageous to get that remark? hehehe..i’ve
even wore the outfit before, same jeans, ow, same polo but different
color..and how could i be simple last wednesday and not be simple on
that other day i wore the same kind of outfit with just a different
color? hmmm…govilz! heheh..

or maybe it’s in my aura..maybe i
exude something that makes me more than simple even if i’m dressing
simply..hahah!!! agavz jud ug ngo ever! kahilak ta sa k agavz!
hahha..and if my theory is true, then maybe i looked simple because i
did feel sick that wednesday…and my normal aura was not coming
out..maybe that’s why..hahah..heavy agavz njud ni ang ngo! hahah!

my valentines

10 Feb

it’s that time of the year again…people seem to be in a frenzy buying cards, purchasing diamonds, candies, cakes, and what have yous, ordering flowers, making dinner reservations…i just don’t understand why we have to indulge our beloved only when February comes…i just don’t understand what’s with all the hype during valentines day…can’t all the rest of the days of year be valentines?

well anyway, as i said in my valentine blog last year, i really haven’t been on a valentine day romantic date ever!!! and i mean ever!!! and i don’t really mind, well my valentines would always be great with the company of my mom, my bro and sisters, my partz, and excited for this year coz we have a new addition to the valentine group, baby zoe! weeeh!

well this blog is all about my early valentine date yesterday…hehehehe…well it’s not really valentine churvah per se coz we went out not because it’s the valentine season..and it’s not a date per se coz we were with wati’s coach and good friend, hayato and his cutie boy Musashi who by the way turned 6 that day. La lang, valentines date lng pra char paminawon.hahah..

this may not be of real interest to anybody else,but i just had a wonderful time yesterday…and i mean uber wonderful time…

a 1st for me and wati, we headed to UP to check on the Utaku (sakto bah spelling partz?heheh) fest and was eagerly chatting the night before of the cosplay (costume play) competition that was happening in the afternoon…i was even damn hoping my partz would join, anime 587819025l_copymn au nawng.heheh..joke partz..well, really..seriously, he can be Yagami Raito from deathnote because Raito is my Manga crush..hahah..and he looks kinda like wati, don’t you think so?heheh..bias ngano n crush ko ni Raito noh? hehehe..

or he could be L, Yagami Light’s arch enemy, i think wati can still pull him off..heheh..Land that afternoon during the festival, i had a laugh when i saw young girlz screaming and running to the boy who dressed up as L, complete with the iron straightened hair…and asking him to have his picture taken with them..as in na amaze jud ko that even though he just dressed up like the character, girls would still be swooning over him…heavy! heheh..

or mmmm, let’s say, Kakashi from Naruto…he wore the costume 2 halloweens ago, and he was a hit, and i’m sure had he dressed up as him 3770219338619l_copyduring the festival, Naruto fans would also be lining up to have their picture snapped with him.heheh.

407882364l_copyor he could also be Gaara, i’d probably have a blast putting eyeliner on him..and mmmm, yeah, i’d force him to let me put some mascara too…hahaha..and he can be soujirou too, or kenshin himura, or ahhhh, so many images running through my head now.heheh..and oh, i realized, i’m way getting off the track of my pseudo valentine date story here..heheh…got carried away..well, there would always be next year partz..mmm, excited! heheh.

well, going back to my story..:) so there we were in UP..wati got there ahead since i decided to check on my students in UC who were conducting their training program… and i got red faced when i signed the registration sheet because i was the only one in that page over 20!!!!! hahaha!!Ng pa klaro lng jud sa ka way buot..ng apil2x pjud tawn ddto…heheh…cge lng d mn m klaro gore na..heheh…i enjoyed seeing the people in really cool costumes, how i wished i was wearing one too!mmm, maybe i could dress up as…nah, masaag npud ko ani ron.. heheh..so we eagerly waited for the competition and got damn disappointed coz there were only 3 who competed in the individual category (which i missed by the way ky when i was about to park hala d n moandar ang  multicab, k lech lng jud!) and only 3 in the group category…but given that it was the 1st ever utako fest, i have to look beyond the flaws and expect a better one next year.

after staying for around 30 minutes there (faetz sa P30 w ka abot 1 hour ddto..huhuh), we decided to leave. and since it was musashi’s 6th bday, his dad took him to SM to play in Gamezone, and we decided to tag along…twas another 1st for me and wati…coz in the more than 4 years we’ve been together, yesterday was only the 1st time we played arcade together!!! and it was one of the best dates ever! 🙂 i felt like a kid being with her bestest pal trying the games out…well thanks, to our sponsor, we had a blast playing that day, trying our luck (hala in 1 game i won 103 tickets, out of sheer luck! the ball fell into the 1 ticket hole, which was just beside the jackpot hole, and we were shocked to see tickets being spitted out of the game’s dispenser! heavy chamba!heheh)  holding hands, hugging, laughing, tickling…mmm, yes one of the best times ever! can’t wait to do it all over again…

and i thought the day would end earlier, i was wrong, my partz decided to just chill out at my place with me inspite of the fact that his friends were having a few drinks near his place…what a perfect way to end the day…some piano music, a heavenly massage and a whole lot of talking…mmmm, i felt like it was my valentines day…:) oh well everytime with him is valentines…mmm..char! heheh..

ps. i just received a message inviting us to join the valentine adventure race for couples…mmm, that would be so neat!!! weee..sa man partz dayon? heheheh..

http://watinkz.multiply.com/video/item/13/gugmang_giatay