hacked?

i know there are minds that are really so advanced that they can hack up any file, can open one’s account and can log in to your sites and the like…

but why? it makes you wonder why one wants to go through another’s account…hacked or not? wondering..

la lng..nothing special to do..oh, acutally nothing to do..it sucks..when i knew i could have been out and feel special..but unfortunately, not the case for me..

so blog2x nlng.faetz..

just so sad today. sayang ang looong holiday ihave been soooo ecstatic about last week. 😦

on the other hand, had a chat with good friend sai whose in canada with hubby right now..and she told me of how another friend sweetly proposed to his girlfriend through his SLR cam and pix of the words “will you marry me” and that the gf cried. awwwwwwwww…hehe…and we got to talk about the way her own hubby proposed to her: the surprise n nabulyaso because she saw the receipt of the ring ahead..hehe..and even if she already expected it, because of that receipt, she still couldn’t help but cry when he actually proposed..lahi r jud daw ang feeling! hehehe..

it made me think, when will i have my own sweet proposition? when will i have my own sob fest? nag pabati? hahaha! joke! oh well, i would not hide the fact that i do want to have that heart palipitating offer, the walk down the aisle, and the ring around my finger, i can’t hardly wait! really i can’t! heheh. everybody seems to be going to that direction, a few friends have done it and some are starting their plans of getting hitched already, that it just made vivid images of how i want mine play in my head, the beach wedding that we talked about..hehe..haaay..but though i am so excited for it to happen, i’m not desperate to make it happen…though i want it soon, there are still things that need to be ironed out, things that need to be straightened, things that need to planned out well. but till then, all i’ve got to do is dream, dream, dream. heheh..

one day i’ll have my own sweet story to tell…:) hopefully it would still end with me and him…:) but if not, i’d still have my sweet story someday..

but hahay, sad jpun ron:(

Balisong – Rivermaya

valentines seem to be one of those times of the year that makes people extra sensitive and extra longing and loving and hoping. Well, with all the love being advertised, and the influx of flowers & stuff toys, and red hearts in mostly every corner, who would not be smitten. Though, valentines is not that big of a deal to me, and I personally find it over sensationalized, but seeing red all over, I just can’t help but feel the love as well. And with that feeling, nobody else comes to my mind than…secret! char! D pa isuwat…haha..

well, seeing red all around, even in my fingernails and toenails (hehehe), I felt like being mushy and listened to one song that I’ve grown to love so much and that I’ve associated with that person who means so much..char npud! Hahah..bitten by the love bug jd! Hahaha.

Balisong – Rivermaya
Your face lights up the sky on the highway.
Someday, you’ll share your world with me someday.
You mesmerize me with diamond eyes;
I try to fool myself to think I’ll be alright.
But I am losing all control –
My mind, my heart, my body and my soul

Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody’s made me feel this way before;
You’re everything I wanted and more.

—>>> This is my 2^nd most favorite song out of all the songs wati sings for me. It used to be in the top spot but ‘twas bumped out of the way by the really sweet song he made for me during my 25^th birthday. hehehe. I can think of many more songs he has sang and played for me, but this would just make me feel so loved and warm all over inspite the fact that he sang it to me maybe more than 50 times already. yet i still get the heart thumping, face blushing ear-to-ear smiling behavior everytime he does. I guess it just holds a very special place in my heart coz aside from singing it to me a lot of times, it makes me remember that one evening when I was sooooooo drunk (hehe..no wonder kovmatz.heheh), that i escaped and tried to steal some shut eye on the sofa. i don’t know how long i slept but the next thing i knew when i managed to force my super heavy eyes open was him sitting beside me, intently looking at me, stroking my hair and singing the song…huh! could anything be sweeter than that? 🙂

I was desperately going through my blogs yesterday, hoping to remember things I wrote that I can use in my impromptu toastmaster speech about love that night, and I got to my February 2007 write-up.I quickly scanned through it, but with very little time, I was unable to read it. Now, with time in my hands, I decided to check it again. And in that article, I wrote about being worried about wati’s househelp unintentionally misplacing the box I gave him full of strips of paper telling him about the things I love about him, and the things that he did that I loved and then being relieved that she found it again, .. We were still on our 18month that time, and that box was overflowing with rolled up papers, and had I given him that gift now that were in our 63^rd month together, he may have received 5 more boxes! Hehehe. Char npud!haha. Oh indulge me for being cheesy, I just feel the love tonight.hehe. It has been years since I’ve made that, I don’t even really remember the things I wrote, and reading my blog I just was amused.

Bear with my tackiness again, let me just repost some of the things I wrote in that box that I wrote in that i included in that Feb2007 blog J

·I loved it when he called me up, telling me he had a surprise for me, and it turned out to be him having his hair cut when we saw each other the next day, because I told him once that my father would only meet him if he does…sweet!!

·I loved it when he went with his friend Daboy to main & asked me to help research about ancient civilization & when he went home, he texted that he just went with him just to see me…made me smile from ear to ear after I read the message.

·I loved that one time when I came from Leyte, and he waited in Cheaverz labangon for me even though his review was far from over, and then he held my hand so tight and whispered he loved me..:)

·I loved it when he touches my belly (used to nlng diay..reklamo na ron dah! Heheh) and then kisses it.

• During my 2003 bday, I loved it when he noticed how much I love eating lechon ribs. Really made me feel special knowing that he pays me so much attention.:)
• I love it when he takes my hand, puts it on his face and then he closes his eyes.
• I loved that time when we were in “courtyard” and me and my friends were dancing, and when my friend Guada started to dance with him, he told her, “ you’re best friend is my girl friend” heheh..nice au!!
• I loved it when we were heading to Argao and he was at the front seat and I was at the back, and he turned around and stared at me for a long time as if telling me he loves me…damn gave me friggin’ goosebumps!
• I loved it when he learned to play “Crazy for this Girl” for me even before we got together coz he knew I loved it.

·I loved that one time he went to Main, and went to the library to be with me even though my friends, who he did not know, were also there and made an effort to have conversations with them.

Hahay, I’m sick with the love virus. The bug really bit me.hehehe…the above paragraphs are a testimony to that.hehehe. there were so many more things I wrote, but opted not to lengthen this post anymore hence it would become even more sappier than it already is .heheh.

This stanza is the exact same way i feel for you:

Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody’s made me feel this way before;
You’re everything I wanted and more…ily!

CHAR!HAHAHAH

Happy valentines everybody!

some things…

there are just some things that are just too painful..too harrowing..that even after so many years, just one reminder sends you crashing down again…:(

there are just some things that are not just that easy to forget..(if you even can forget) things that after you’ve tucked so deep, resurfaces and makes you remember, and makes you ask so many questions again..and you realize they still can crush you..and then you break you down…and then tears just won’t stop from flowing

a continuation…

you know after making the post last night, it brought painful memories, and made me think of the hurtful experiences of those close to me, and it made me sad..and hurt…and in the verge of crying…huhu.

well, i just pray that my heart won’t ever be scammed through secret text messaging, or online messaging, or secret trysts with another, or intentions to do so. i just don’t want to go through that…it would be totally devastating…totally heartbreaking.

as i said in the blog prior to this, i believe in the power of love, and if a person really loves you, that person would never let you go through that..ever..

but if the person who you never thought could do such, would do so, then that person would not be worth fighting for. maybe a second chance would be acceptable (depending on the situation) but if the person does it again, then that’s no longer tolerable. if you know you’ve fiercely love with all your heart and soul, yet it stll happens, then you have nothing to blame yourself for. You’ve given your all, but if you won’t be appreciated, then it’s the person’s choice to hurt you and it’s his choice to lose you. Anyway, i believe that what goes around comes around. I believe you’d feel happy at first, but karma would unexpectedly bite you in your ass. it’s true that what we reap is what we sow. so you’ve been good, then you’d get something good, maybe better, but if you do otherwise, then things would come back at you the same way you’ve been acting so.

I know i’ve been so true all this time, and i know if it would happen to me, i’d find someone way better. I’m someone so damn hard to forget and get over with (hahahahha! saonz! feeler njud!)but then again, i don’t think it would happen to me given the circumstances now..heheh..feeler again..well i’m crossing my fingers, i hope what i’m truly believing is what’s really happening because i want what i have now to last a lifetime..or even beyond…

mmmm, i’m getting mushy…maybe it’s because it’s february and everywhere i go, i see hearts around.hahah..saonz…

i choose the 90%

being the reader that i am (char!heheh) i read this q&a article in Cosmo in which one reader asked if it’s considered cheating when he is chatting up with somebody else in the net. And the reply was a one-liner. but nevertheless was very direct to the point: “YES, IF YOUR PARTNER DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT IT”

well, i think the answer to that query is right. If your not doing shady things online or even through text,  if nothing’s behind it, then why not tell right? i believe that once you begin doing that, or even checking out other profiles, and starting up a connection with these other people is so close to cheating. I say so close, because it can be a springboard for you to really cheat. And one light can start a big fire, one text, once you begin to send one message, it can be a prelude to more messages, and maybe to more intimate ones. But if you’ve been having some correspondence already without the knowledge of your significant other, then yes, i believe you are actually cheating, because you chose to do things behind someone’s back. You might think it is harmless at first, but again it’s an avenue for bad things to come. So if nothing’s up, then fess up. i mean, tell them you’ve been texting this person, you’ve been online with another. Why then would you connect with another and keep it from your partner, when there is nothing behind it right?

haaaaay, i realized after reading that line and with the things i’ve been through before, with my family, and my experiences with other people, and the experiences of other people, especially those very close to me, i realized that one of my greatest fears is to be cheated upon. . I’ve realized how badly damaged i was…i am…that i one thing i get scared about is that one day i’d learn wati has been doing this or doing that…maybe text another, or have online correspondence with another…without me knowing about it. i’m fervently praying it won’t happen…i don’t know if i can take it if that happens…though i know there might be a possibility (a very slim one though) that we might not end up together, but i just pray that it won’t be because of another person coming between us…just not that…

but don’t get me wrong, i’m not worrying he is doing any of those things…you know after all we’ve been through, and knowing and feeling how much the guy really loves me, and how great than ever we are now, i don’t think he is doing anything that would hurt me…even through text, or online messages. his friends even said “bilib cla”.hehe. honestly, i’m scared it might happen, but i trust him enough that he won’t let it happen…that’s why i don’t worry anymore. staying in love is a choice, it would be one’s choice if he hurts another or not with his discreet communications with others. i trust that he is not guilty of inconspicuous messaging, i may never really know if he is or not (of course you have to give everything the benefit of a doubt, but if he is, without my knowledge, then he chose cheat on me, and hurt me. And if he is or someday would do any of it, then he should end things with me rather than continuing to hurt me), but after all i’ve gone through with him, and how he has been to me, and how things are getting way better with us, i resolutely feel safe . i feel really secure that i’m the only one occupying his heart, his mind and his gadgets. char.hehehe

i just feel so inlove and so loved ..:) been feeling really happy..:)

let me just post something really worth reading that a friend sent me just this week ( i would for always choose the 90%)

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. Somewhere along the way, you will meet someone who will be more charming or sensitive than the one you’re already with. more sexy. more thoughtful. wealthier. better in bed. and you will meet someone who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your boyfriend/girlfriend ever did. because no boyfriend/girlfriend is perfect. because your boyfriend/girlfriend will only have 90 percent of what you’re looking for.

So, cheating happens when you look for the missing 10 percent. Lets say your girlfriend is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty girl next-door who has a cheerleader laugh no matter what she says: I broke my arm yesterday, ha ha ha… Or because your girlfriend is a couch potato who is always in pajamas and smelling of garlic and cooking oil, you may fall for the CK-One-smelling colleague who comes to work in a sharp pinstripe blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt. Or because your boyfriend is the type who never shuts up even when you’ve tried using duct tape, your heart may skip a beat when you sit next to a brooding, mysterious Latino on the bus.

But wait! That’s only 10 percent of what you don’t have. Don’t throw away the 90 percent that you already do! add to the 90 percent the 100 percent that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The many adjustments you have made to better understand each others little quirks and idiosyncrasies. The wealth of memories that you have accumulated as lovers. The old sparks that can always be rekindled by the walk on the beach, barefoot and underneath the stars.

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. but faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already do.

–tnx mary ann